Disclaimer – If you’re Kiwi, this will all be nothing new.

And another one – In order to write about a country and its culture, it’s impossible not to make generalisations. So let me preface all of this by saying, generalisations, while all true, are equally as untrue for many.

BEING A KIWI WOMAN

When I was a kid, two of my Prime Ministers were female. The second, Helen Clark, was repeatedly elected and lead the country for nine years. She is an inspiration to this day, doing incredible work for the world. Here’s a nice article about her achievements and struggles.

When Helen was elected I don’t really recall any moment of celebration about having a female leader, it just seemed kind of normal. In fact, like most people, I had no idea how good we even had it here until I left NZ at nineteen. I didn’t go far, but far enough to experience a whole other world. I went to Sydney. Australia, where sexism was rife and homeless people existed. I’ll come back to that one later. I just wanted to make this point early on – New Zealand is NOT Australia.

Gender Roles & Appearance

Kiwi Ladies. My Mum and her bestie.

The idea of gender roles also didn’t really occur to me until I moved to Japan. I recall telling my new Japanese/ex-pat friends that I hadn’t really worn much make-up back in NZ. Similarly, I didn’t often wear dresses or high heels. Certainly we got dressed up for special occasions, but no one in my life had set an example of going off to work each day in a skirt, heels and mascara. Also, thankfully, there were nowhere near as many beauty standards or as much pressure on women as I know existed elsewhere. Not to say there was none at all, just less.

My impression was always that the boys liked the girls who could keep up with them; girls they could play sport and drink beer with. That sure wasn’t me. In a way I was kind of relieved to move to Japan and discover this whole new ultra-feminine side of myself. I was able to enjoy fashion and make-up without ever feeling that I had to do it.

Now that I’m older I really appreciate knowing I can do both. I can’t imagine what it would be like to grow up in a culture where focus on appearance had been indoctrinated since birth. In my family there had been a lot of focus on healthy eating and fitness, and that was already enough pressure. My mother, however, didn’t even shave her legs, certainly didn’t wear make up, didn’t have pierced ears. Patriarchal bullocks and vanity you see. So, boy, was it a battle for teenage me to get permission to do those things!

Also, my brother and I both learned to cook and had weekly cooking nights… My brother now does equal amounts of cooking for his family and I’m told that when he last went away on business he cooked and left meals in the freezer to help out his wife (they have two young kids). Meanwhile, I love cooking and I never feel resentful about doing it, because I know it’s always my choice rather than a role that has been forced upon me.

Freedom

That time I tried to race a ferry…

In terms of activities and safety, I don’t recall ever being treated differently than my brother in any way. Our rules and curfews were the same. New Zealand was also pretty safe back in those days, so we always got ourselves everywhere by bicycle or on foot. And at fifteen, of course, I was pushed get a driver’s license and become more independent. Thankfully, I also see very little difference in the way my young nieces and nephews are being raised. They too are living a safe, peaceful and blessed life.

Dating and Men

So yes, most Kiwi men are pretty great. Especially those of my generation and younger. Just look at our Prime Minister’s proud and supportive partner. Not emasculated – PROUD. They are true equals. Anyone trying to date here will also find it quite different. If you’re waiting for a man to chase you, think again. Most Kiwi men fear hitting on women because they know they’re likely to get shot down. Women are perfectly capable and WILL make the first move, if they feel like it. We don’t need to be approached or wooed or sweet-talked. In fact, it makes us suspicious. My parents one piece of romantic advice to me was this “Never trust a man who buys you flowers.” Enough said.

One other interesting rumour about NZ is that our women are the most “promiscuous” in the world. I suspect this is simply a reflection of the fact that we are not generally slut-shamed for enjoying sex. And, we’re not afraid to ask for what we want! At the same time, a man who assumes a Kiwi woman is “easy” will be sorely disappointed when she tells him where to go.. without mincing ANY words.

What is so incredible about all of this is that we are not some special breed of humans down here, we’ve simply been socialised this way. Many fierce and determined women fought for equality, and by the time I was born that equality was well and truly trucking along. What this means is – if we can do it, anywhere can!

Same goes for all our other amazing qualities and values.

WHY EVERYONE LOVES KIWIS, AND OTHER AWESOME STUFF ABOUT NEW ZEALAND

The Caitlins – a remote and peaceful spot

What can I say, everywhere I’ve ever been in the world I’ve met people who instantly love me for no reason other than that I’m from New Zealand. They’ve met other Kiwis and loved them, so it stands to reason that we’re all the same, right? lol

Well, actually, it’s not so far from the truth. The population here is really small. We’re a semi-collective society, and we’ve essentially all been raised very similarly – that is to say – we believe in helping others, kindness to strangers, friendliness, humility, and relaxed informality. In all of the small cities and towns in New Zealand strangers will say hello to you on the street. We thank the bus driver for driving us, every single time, everywhere in New Zealand. If you see another car on the road when you’re driving somewhere in the south you can honk your horn to say hello.

Once, when I arrived back in NZ for a holiday (I was living in Canada at the time) I remember the customs agent calling me “Em” and welcoming me home as if we were old friends, then he made fun of me for bringing in vegan sausages. It must be quite strange for people to arrive and suddenly realise that none of the formalities and protocols they’re used to exist here. I mean, we basically live in t-shirts and flip-flops all year around. Relax and take off your tie mate!

Trust

We have a website, a bit like Craigslist, on which you can buy things second-hand without ever seeing them first. It’s assumed that the person you’ve bought it from is honest. So, you pay for your new couch then you go pick it up. I’ve done it. We also have “honesty boxes”. This is when you put something on the side of the road outside your house, like lemons for example, and people leave money in the box. And no, no one steals the boxes (usually).

When taking taxis or uber in NZ we also tend to jump into the front seat beside the driver. I do this for a few reasons. Firstly, because it’s what I grew up with, and it just what feels normal. I suppose it stems from the idea of equality. I don’t like the feeling of sitting in the back seat, as if to say I’m somehow better than my driver. Another reason is that I refuse to be fearful. If the driver, by some terrible stroke of luck, turns out to be a crazy pervert, he’s damn well gonna have to look me in the eye while he tries it on!

A great example of this Kiwi trust from my own life, is when I was living in Montreal and I needed a flatmate. I put an ad on Craigslist. The guy who responded turned out to be Kiwi too. He was moving to Montreal from Auckland and needed a place to live. Unfortunately his arrival was scheduled for a time when I would be on holiday in New Zealand. Essentially we would both be in the air going in opposite directions at the same time. As he was Kiwi, and ONLY because of this, I left a key out for him and told him to move in while I was away. I knew that he would share my values and be respectful and trustworthy. He was. I arrived back in Montreal in the middle of the night to a card on my kitchen table saying “thank you so much for everything, I can’t wait to meet you in the morning.”

No Worries Mate

Somewhere in the top of the south…

Another reason Kiwis are so great, I suspect, is because our stress levels are lower. Plenty of people here would disagree with me on this, but once you’ve lived elsewhere it becomes quite clear. Most businesses are relatively small, creating a family style atmosphere. Most also understand that family comes first. There is a real focus on balance. I’m not saying everyone does this, but to me, it certainly seems very common. But, watch out, our shops close early (5.30pm on weekdays) and most aren’t open at all on Sundays.

At 5.30pm in my workplace there are tumbleweeds. We want to spend our time enjoying nature, being at the beach, with the people we love. Connection to nature, no doubt, also plays a big role in our lower stress levels.

Also worth mentioning is the lack of a culture of fear. There are no weapons on the street. Even the police don’t carry guns! The Diplomatic Protection Squad and Airport officers are the only officers who routinely carry firearms. Although I’ve certainly never walked around in North America fearing for my life, I’m sure that knowing that such danger does potentially exist must have some low-level impact on the psyche. You have to always be very aware of your surroundings. Here I do things like accidentally leaving my wallet and phone on the table in a restaurant while I’m at the bar, without even thinking. Not that I recommend it, but that’s a reflection of my comfort level.

Maori Culture

 

Maori culture is a part of ALL of us here in NZ. If you come to New Zealand you will see it everywhere. We are all taught to count and sing, and other basic things in Te Reo Maori at primary school. We learn the complete history of New Zealand before and after colonisation, in high school. We learn Maori mythology and values, and I for one absolutely love it. I feel that it is definitely part of my identity, even though (as far as I know) I have no actual Maori blood. We cherish the culture, and every year it only grows. More celebrations, more incentives to learn the language.

I met a couple of awesome and quite famous African-American rap artists when I was last in the US. They were telling me about how they love to come and hang out with “the Maori” and how they’d eaten Maori salmon the night before. A part of me was a little bit taken aback by it. I mean, I wasn’t really used to hearing of Maori people referred to so separately from New Zealand people. To me, they’re Kiwi and the Salmon is just from New Zealand. We are all one. At least I thought we were. I didn’t want to assume to know how their Maori friends felt though, so I didn’t say anything.

My sentiments, however, were reflected in Jacinda Ardern’s UN speech when she opened and closed in Te Reo Maori. It is OUR culture, the people of New Zealand. And it hasn’t been appropriated, it’s been graciously shared and embraced.

Yes, we are super cool, it’s true!

So yes, MOST of us are indeed lovely people to encounter. We’re intrepid travellers, we love people from other cultures, we’re connected to nature, and we’re super trusting and trust-worthy, and genuinely friendly.

THE DARK SIDE

I wish that I could say New Zealand is 100% paradise, impervious to the terrible things happening in our world, but of course it is not.

We have more problems than I can even begin to recount. I’ll just give you a basic run down of a few that spring to mind…

Suicide Rates

Possibly the most serious, and most baffling problem in New Zealand, in my opinion, is suicide. According to the OECD we have the highest teen suicide rate in the world and some of the highest rates for adults too. And it’s getting worse and worse. There is a lot of speculation about the cause of this. Possibly our lack of free mental health care resources. Possibly the stigma attached to mental health issues. Maybe it’s due to repressing of our feelings in order to fit in with our cheery fellow citizens. I wager the increasing gap between the rich and poor (likely caused by our previous conservative government) has not helped anything. The rates are particularly bad in the Maori community where much of the poverty exists.

Racial Issues

Although we’ve come a very long way in terms of repairing the damage done to the Maori people, it is not complete. We cherish the culture while at the same time often ignoring the fact that something clearly still has not been fully healed. Much of New Zealand’s domestic violence and crime exists within these poverty stricken communities, and it’s a terrible tragedy.

Homelessness

When I was a kid there were no homeless people in New Zealand. Even in Auckland they were nowhere to be seen. Now, you can see homelessness everywhere. Again, likely attached to our lack of mental health care services. When I was young we had psychiatric hospitals and free support for these people. Then a fiscally focused government came along, closed them all down and literally tossed them out onto the street. In addition to this type of homelessness we simply have a lack of homes. Many of them are terrible quality with poor insulation. They’re cold and damp and dark and very expensive. People are living in garages and hotels. If you ever move to New Zealand you can expect to have a very very hard time finding somewhere to live.

The Environment

Once again, this has changed drastically since I was a kid. Back then you could swim in any river in New Zealand and even have a bit of a drink of that water while you were swimming. These days our rivers are often closed due to pollution. In the summer time that sucks! The cause of it is animal agriculture. Our biggest industry is also ruining us.

Gender Inequality

As far as gender equality goes, well, we’re definitely still not there. Sometimes it seems hard to see that we’re not, but we’re not. In fact, my family and I had a slightly heated discussion because every one of them felt that we had equality between the sexes here. In their workplaces they felt that women had all the same opportunities as men, and that the salaries were the same. They were skeptical about statistics that said otherwise. My sister works for Air New Zealand and I’ve got no doubt that they are well and truly on top of the equality issue. My brother works as a Graphic Designer, which in New Zealand, is a field dominated by women. However, I have heard from my female friends in male dominated areas such as Engineering, that there is still terrible sexism and a large pay disparity for the same positions. I’m also aware that all of the female dominated areas are paid a lot less.

I don’t believe we will have achieved true gender equality until teachers and nurses and social workers are paid the same sort of salaries as Engineers. And we all know that’s probably another hundred years away. Sure, we could push women into different fields, but don’t we all want to do what we feel called to? It’s clear that women definitely feel they could do anything they wanted to here, so the job choices they’re making are definitely not based on salary. If women are called to these incredibly valuable and important service professions, shouldn’t they be able to receive decent salaries for their tireless efforts? You couldn’t pay me any amount of money to work in IT or as an Engineer either. I like working with people, and helping them. But, does that mean I should struggle to pay my bills for the rest of my life? Or be forced to marry a man with a job that pays better than mine? Which, btw, is necessary if I ever want to own a house here.

We also have a serious lack of women in management and higher positions. My family argued that this is simply because women don’t want to do those jobs. Then the question is, why not? Are women not in those positions because over the years it has been made too unpleasant for them to actually do the job? Perhaps those jobs mean sacrificing their time with their children or behaving in ways that they’re not comfortable, or dealing with sexism and rape culture and old boys clubs. In a brave new world women will lead in the way that a woman does, not the way a man does. Which brings me to our fearless leader.

JACINDA ARDERN

Jacinda did not want to be Prime Minister. She was thrust into the position as leader of her party when the previous guy bowed out just months before the election. Prior to this she had actually publicly stated that she didn’t want to be Prime Minister, which made a lot of people quite nervous when she got the job.

I believe the reason she is so fantastic is exactly because of this. She didn’t want to lead, she wanted to serve. And that’s just what she has continued doing. We, the tax-payers, pay her salary, and she knows it. Every night she does a live Facebook update on her day serving us. She reports in on any new bills and legislation, updates us on progress that is being made, or not made, and she doesn’t dumb it down either. She assumes her followers are intelligent people. As she’s reporting, people fire comments and questions at her. She answers them. Her brain goes at a million miles a minute. She’s a genius at multi-tasking. Those who haven’t yet recognised that she is working damn hard for our country in addition to being a global media phenomenon, clearly aren’t following her on social media. Go witness it, even once. Anyone can watch.

When she became pregnant, there was a massive amount of both support and criticism. A lot of people, including women, felt it would be absolutely impossible. They compared their own experiences raising children and assumed therefore Jacinda would be like them. I knew better. She’s an exceptional human being. She reminds me very much of my American friend who works at Google while raising children. Both women are extremely calm under pressure, sharp, smart, empathetic and brilliant multi-taskers. Both women also have men in their lives who support them and admire them for these incredible talents. These men recognise that they have exceptional partners who are destined for greatness. And as Jacinda said, if all the men in her position before her had been able to have children while also being Prime Minister why couldn’t she do it too?

I do think that it’s a little different for a woman. However, different doesn’t mean bad. Jacinda is breast-feeding, her baby is bonding with her. She needs to take little Neve with her. And why the hell can’t she? Who ever said it was unprofessional or uncouth to breast-feed in public? You know who… men, and the women who believed these men. It’s time to change the rules. If we want women representing us in leadership roles we need to let them do so as women, not force them to behave like men!

At the same time as being exceptional, Jacinda is also very much a typical New Zealand woman. I see glimpses of myself in her all the time, and if I’d had the skills to do so/been called to it, I’d be leading the country in the exact same way. She’s both strong and kind. She’s approachable, and also perfectly capable of defending herself. Just before she walked out onto the Late Show stage she was live on Facebook. One of the first things she said was something like “someone did this to me” referring to all her makeup. That Kiwi humility and discomfort with the concept of celebrity was very much still there.

Jacinda is fighting for the environment and battling global warming, she’s fighting for better mental health care and trying to lower our suicide rates, she’s promoting and speaking Te Reo Maori. She’s inviting in refugees and supporting immigrants. She’s educating all of us on how to be more compassionate human beings. A few weeks ago it was Chinese language week, heavily promoted in order to help our huge Chinese population feel included. She knows that globalisation is inevitable, trade is important, and immigration is a part of that. And the best way to help our immigrants integrate and accept New Zealand culture is to make them feel we value their cultures too.

I didn’t vote for her!

Here’s the best part. I didn’t even vote for her. I voted for the party that best represented my values. I voted Green Party. Don’t worry, it’s reasonably safe to share political opinions around here. I knew that my favourite party couldn’t win, so the leader of that party was irrelevant. What I wanted to say with my vote was that I care about the environment. I think globally and I know that global warming is dead serious. I knew that one of our major parties would win the most seats, and I hoped that it would be Labour and that they would form a coalition with the Greens.

That’s exactly what happened… sort of. It turned out that another small party also got a lot of votes. So they had to form a three way coalition. That meant the leader of that small party basically chose our government! He could just as easily have swung the other way and negotiated to form a coalition with the other major party. Thank god for all of us, he didn’t. What that means, by the way, is that 44.4% of our population didn’t vote for any of these three parties. And those people were pretty pissed off.

To see the election results check this page: https://interactives.stuff.co.nz/NZ-election-home/

The National party, who had the highest number of votes, didn’t get to lead. Even though they had the highest number of votes it wasn’t enough to take the government on their own. This gave the Labour party (Jacinda’s party) the opportunity to negotiate with the other two smaller parties to form a coalition. What that means is that they had to find common ground and compromise on some issues. Personally I think this is a system which requires a high degree of maturity and diplomacy. And it’s fair, because rather than one very specific ideal being represented, 56% of us are getting at least most of our desires met (so far so good).

The fact that we feel our system at least somewhat works is clear by our voter turn-out. Approximately 80% of people voted, and about 93% are registered to vote (which you legally must be).

Trust me, Jacinda receives more than her fair share of judgement and criticism, but I believe she is an absolute game changer.

We are finally seeing how a woman leads without acting like a man. She is empathetic and compassionate, and she’s also incredibly brilliant. We should all be paying close attention. Like anyone else, Jacinda may not always be perfect, but she’s breaking new ground every day, and that in itself is a gigantic leap and a feat not only for women, but for all of humanity. Don’t you think?

Another shot somewhere in the South Island. It’s pretty much all this gorgeous, yes.

If you’ve enjoyed all the gratuitous photos, you can check out more here (this is where we keep the top secret best ones) – https://p-norton.myportfolio.com/nz-landscapes

And come visit us soon!!  Em xx