One of the most confusing and difficult things about being a spiritually conscious artist is basically just, well…. society.

I’m about to admit to a few of my deepest secrets. Okay here goes…

Last night I sat down and looked at my long-term financial prospects for the first time ever. The truth is, I have boldly rejected the notion of money my entire life. I say notion, because money is in fact a man-made concept. Currency was created to ease the burden of bartering with larger, heavier objects, and has evolved into the, albeit completely superficial, meaning of life.

My dream scenario is the last scene of the third Zeitgest movie, when all the people throw down their money in front of the Stock Exchange on Wall Street, refusing to participate in capitalism anymore. To see the possible world that follows, you’ll have to watch the documentaries. Needless to say, I believe a resource based global economy is more than feasible if enough people got on board, which sadly, I know will never happen.

 

For as long as I can remember I have taken money with a grain of salt. I got a massive student loan, thinking only of it as numbers in an ether of more numbers. My view of anyone who had dedicated their life to earning and spending money was that they were shallow and missing the whole point of being alive. I wanted a life full of adventure and experiences and spiritual growth. I wanted to feel inspired and connected. If you’d asked me at twenty-one what my life goals were, I would have said something like “to figure out why I’m here.”

Somehow I always found just enough money to keep on going. Every time I was again down to my last cent, the universe would mysteriously provide. Usually I would meet someone who would offer me a job at precisely the right moment. Every time one job ended, I knew another one would come along. I trusted in my own ability to bail myself out, and to connect with people who could help me. Being blessed with social skills in a society is pretty handy.

Kinkaku-ji in Kyoto. 23 years old – figuring out why I’m here.

Last night, when finally I decided to have an honest look at my budget, I got quite a shock. I used an online site which estimates how much money you will have when you retire based on current income and spending. It then divvies up those savings over what I suppose are the years you are expected to live for beyond sixty-five. It essentially told me that I’m going to be a broke-ass old lady sleeping on the street with stray cats eating my face (yeah – even worse than the classic dying alone with cats story).

All the anxiety my mother has experienced over the past twenty odd years worrying about me suddenly hit. Oh, THIS is why she thinks I’m going to have to move back in with them when I retire!

It felt overwhelmingly oppressive and depressing: a vision of my life, on the same hamster wheel until my legs stop working and I’m out on my ass. Staring at that screen was like finding out that a slow painful death is nigh. No more fun for me. From now on friday nights will be rice and beans and counting the change in my piggy bank.

I shifted from my usual annoyingly-passionate-about-everything self, to wanting to bow out of it all and move to an ashram in India (my go to escape fantasy). Frankly, spending the rest of my life in silent contemplation seems far more worthwhile than making money till my legs fall off.

Then I moved from despair to anger. What is WRONG with this world? How did we let things get this far?! So many people will be far worse off than I am. I know an awful lot of millennials who will indeed be relying on their parents (inheritances or otherwise) when they get to retirement. Worse still, all the people who don’t have parents they can rely on! Will there be a whole generation who hit retirement age and become homeless and uncared for? Will they rely on their kids to take care of them? What if they don’t have kids?

So I watched a documentary called Why Not Now? made by Alan Watt’s son about his life. Alan always sets me straight. He reminded me that, although I certainly could have been more responsible in my youth, I’ve always also been somewhat on the mark. Ego and collective ego (society) cares about stages and deadlines and money. Universal love couldn’t care less. If I start to live in fear I might as well not live at all. Screw “stages” and ageing and “I should…”!

 

Then I realised something else. That budgeting website used the information it had in this current moment. It presumed nothing would change. That I would retire single and in the same job I’m in now. No wonder those projections sent a chill down my spine. I’m not planning on doing the same job for the same salary for next twenty five years. Countless people start successful companies in their forties and fifties. People publish books in their seventies. I even read about one guy who wrote his first book at ninety three.

Another fun fact; women who become mothers later in life live longer. Having a good reason to stay vibrant and healthy for as long as you can, makes a big difference to longevity. I’ve always done things my own way. I’m confident I have many great adventures ahead of me and I continue to believe in my own ability to provide myself with everything I need. I’m resilient and resourceful.

I’m what society calls a “late bloomer”. But all that really means is that I am late in getting around to doing the things society values most. During the twenty years prior to said blooming, I’ve been feeding myself heaps of the best fertiliser around: love and friendship and life experiences.

Alan Watts says life is music and all we have to do is dance. So, no, I have not gone out and gotten an extra part-time job so I can save for the worst case scenario in twenty-something years. Instead I spent the day meditating and creating. And tomorrow morning I plan to go to yoga. Beyond that, who knows?

I still choose to live right here in the present. And as Eckhart Tolle says “you create a good future by creating a good present.” and “acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”

Life is good, I am grateful for all of my lessons and experiences, and I welcome all those yet to come.

I reject and transcend you societal pressure and expectations!

One day when I’m formless and one with the universe, I hope a great surge of pure positive energy will occur as the monetary system collapses and humanity is released into pure love. Meanwhile I’m gonna make like Richard Branson and chill the fck out.

Namaste. May the divine in all of us see the divine in us all.